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funnyordie:

Modern Mantras
Calm your mind and spirit with these meditative chants tailored to the modern professional.

NOURISH YOUR SPIRIT
Harness your self-esteem. Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself, “I have a strong Twitter presence.” Repeat three to twenty times a day.
REACH INTO YOUR COMMUNITY
Reap strength from others. Chant, “I am a titan of LinkedIn,” during communal meditation. Lower yourself into child’s pose and connect to a professional network.
EMBRACE SOLITUDE
Chase self-awareness. Become conscious of your breath, and speak: “I am greater than the sum of my notifications.” For each status that goes unliked, unfriend 20 people.

Continue

funnyordie:

Modern Mantras

Calm your mind and spirit with these meditative chants tailored to the modern professional.

NOURISH YOUR SPIRIT

Harness your self-esteem. Stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself, “I have a strong Twitter presence.” Repeat three to twenty times a day.

REACH INTO YOUR COMMUNITY

Reap strength from others. Chant, “I am a titan of LinkedIn,” during communal meditation. Lower yourself into child’s pose and connect to a professional network.

EMBRACE SOLITUDE

Chase self-awareness. Become conscious of your breath, and speak: “I am greater than the sum of my notifications.” For each status that goes unliked, unfriend 20 people.

Continue

3 notes

genderedboy:

Quit showing me those sexy sad girls with bloodshot eyes and vacant expressions—show me sexy happy girls with wide grins, sexy confident girls with dirt stains on their jeans, sexy bashful girls who are quietly proud of themselves, sexy strong girls going through a tough time but with steely resolve.

3 notes

genderedboy:

Things I want from the future:

  • Robots to do all my housecleaning (roomba you’re off to a good start)
  • An internet connection with negligible lag so I can play music with friends overseas without it sounding like an out-of-time, cacophonous mess
  • The hovering skateboard from Back To The Future

Yes to all of these.

2 notes

We all matched on accident! It’s an Easter Miracle! @stacieburley @newtribeyoga

We all matched on accident! It’s an Easter Miracle! @stacieburley @newtribeyoga

6 notes

matthiasroberts:

Confession.

When my friends post things like “God’s Not Dead!” it takes everything I have not to reply with “Yes, but the Christian movie industry is.”

I love this man.